Sod Abroad - The official site of the reasonably funny book

More Sky jollies

2009-04-20T20:45:00.000Z

Another Sky thing

2009-01-15T22:19:00.001Z

Share the joy as my buddy Martin starts talking about a story that wasn't in the script! i love showbiz!

These people just keep proving my point

2008-12-15T19:23:00.008Z

Remember what I was saying the other day? It just got righter:City 'experts' ? - Absolutely no clue what they're doingMilitary strategists - No idea how to do their jobsThe security services safeguarding our country? - JerksLocal government officers, of more or less any stripe? - JackassesThe geniuses who made it through the 'very competitive 'selection procedure for the BBC? - IdiotsThe people

Top 10 locations ruined by tourism

2008-12-15T14:48:00.003Z

It's a great list that underlines just how many gap-year nitwits are destroying the environments that they profess to admire. And that's not me talking, that's National Geographic Magazine.

The Expert Myth

2008-12-09T15:10:00.003Z

Ownership of an electric guitar ought to, as far I can ascertain, confer upon one instant membership of the counterculture. Stars from Elvis the Rolling Stones to the Sex Pistols have felt obliged to rail against the establishment until either an interview with Richard Nixon or a knighthood or a lucrative butter advert intervened.Not me though. I’ve got two very fine electric guitars, but I still

More Sky action: I can't pretend this was a complete triumph

2008-12-01T15:02:00.003Z

Note the nervous glances to the monitor in those pregnant pauses when I'd said my piece and the presenter's being a bit too quiet:

See? I TOLD you! Security staff will nick anything..

2008-10-14T07:45:00.002Z

And in this 'period of heightened security' who's going to stop them?Transportation Security Administration baggage screener Pythias Brown is the reason you hate flying with expensive gear in your bag, especially if you ever flew out of Newark airport. Over the last few years, he stole at least $200,000 worth of electronics. Not just a camcorder here, a laptop there, or an Xbox 360 or two, either

Yes, I know. I've been letting things slide.

2008-10-10T13:54:00.001Z

But this splendid article about why Americans don't travel caught my eye, and I thought I'd see if you liked it too

Me. On the telly. Wittering.

2008-09-06T06:54:00.002Z

Multimedia thrills as Sod Abroad visits Essex

2008-08-27T10:42:00.002Z

I think this link will work - A 10 minute interview with Dave Monk of Radio Essex. Surrounded, of course, by all your usual Essex-based chat and music. He played 'Rock with you' in the middle of the interview. Great choice, but not as great as this.

Synchronicity: How 2 quite different people can write the same staycation piffle on the same day

2008-08-26T09:23:00.006Z

Lionel Shriver, the 'Boy named Sue' of Britain's literary elite, did a bit for The Sunday Times this weekend about how ghastly she thinks holidays are. Not a mile off my own bit for the Indy that I posted about on Sunday.Indeed, they went with a markedly similar pic too.One might be tempted to infer from this a woeful dearth of imagination among the editorial staff of our great nation's

From today's Independent on Sunday - 'What’s so good about holidaying abroad?'

2008-08-24T16:12:00.006Z

Essentially a super-sized puff for 'Sod Abroad' it also provides some (I am sure) interesting background on how I came to write the book..Plus, it reveals some harrowing insights into my painstaking research:Before I went on that holiday I had just assumed I didn't like camping. Now I know. Some magical alchemy about getting enough tents together in one place attracts rain like a picnic attracts

119% of adults in the western world have a blog these days

2008-07-30T16:26:00.003Z

But do they have an automatic blog post generator?Well yes.Yes they do.Because it's out there on the Internet.(excellent, if rather off-topic, find by Tamar)

Sod Abroad: Best price guide

2008-07-30T11:49:00.004Z

If, by some appalling oversight, you haven't bought my spiffy collection of light comic essays about the iniquities of travel yet, then here's something handy. A constantly updated guide to the cheapest online prices so you can buy knowing that you've got the funniest treatise about staycations available, by the nicest known author, at the lowest possible price.You could probably use it to find

Schott's Almanac of New Tourism

2008-07-24T13:22:00.003Z

Lots of variety here, as one might expect from the master of miscellany, but I detect a pleasingly negative tone overall.Take a look at the PDF & see!

Moby says aeroplanes are a great way to travel - as long as you don't wear glasses & like bad smells

2008-07-23T10:40:00.002Z

This terrific bit from the online journal of ambient electro-advert music pioneer and all-round fellow bald chap Moby: "I was on a flight recently and I was sitting next to a very professional business woman. I'm guessing she was 48 years old, very affluent and successful and poised. 15 minutes into the flight she took an Ambien and went to sleep. 90 minutes later she woke up, looked at me and

Jet set to 'blow' instead of 'suck' - hilarity ensues

2008-07-23T08:11:00.003Z

It's a mistake any of us could have made. If we'd been entrusted with the cleaning of a very expensive aeroplane and somehow distracted at a crucial moment.It didn't happen to us though. It happened to this poor lady. So let's take a moment to point and laugh.

I expected a Canary, I got a Turkey

2008-07-22T06:41:00.002Z

Blame early morning check-ins. Blame sloppy staff who haven't checked the tickets properly. Don't, whatever you do, blame the passengers for not paying attention to where they were being shipped. It sounds to me like they're annoyed enough already.Actually, we shouldn't be assigning blame, but thanks - this one's a purler!A family setting off on a five-star holidays travelled 2,000 miles out of

A cheap holiday in someone else's misery

2008-07-17T07:47:00.009Z

We have an ongoing credit crunch. Some might call it a recession. Whatever language you choose to employ, certainly there's not much money left over for luxuries like vacations right now.So who has decided to start pitching for your hard-earned holiday cash?Why, the Iraqi tourist board, of course!And you thought you already knew about the silliest holiday idea ever.Hassan alFayath, a spokesman

StayCations - The debate hots up

2008-07-16T19:59:00.005Z

The second you get a nice trend going, there's always someone who comes along to decry it.The person decrying the StayCation thing is a pleasant-looking lady from St.Louis called Aisha Sultan.I think her problem might be that she's looking for a traditional holiday experience - and that's precisely what I (and many others) strive to avoid.Proponents of these staycations tell us to: Rediscover the

Fly the empty skies

2008-07-16T19:54:00.002Z

Not a travel story as such, given that no-one's actually travelling, but it seems some airlines are running empty planes on scheduled routes rather than give up the slots that they evidently can't fill.So, next time you calculate the carbon footprint of your holiday double it, because chances are that the airline will have made a few dummy runs just so they could be ready at the airport when you

Picture of the Day

2008-07-15T08:01:00.001Z

Not sure what relevance this has, but I like it..You know where it's from

The StayCation meme spreads & diversifies..

2008-07-14T10:42:00.004Z

We Are Storytellers is running a StayCation theme month at the moment, with a forum, hand-made postcards from home and all sorts of crazy.The 'home holiday' idea is really picking up now. Of course I'm not so arrogant as to claim it was all my idea.But it was.

I started a joke..

2008-07-12T11:56:00.005Z

I must confess, when I started work on Sod Abroad, all those months ago (actually, now I think of it, it’s a big hole out of two years but then I did suspend operations briefly to work on Shopping While Drunk) I didn’t honestly believe anyone would ever agree with any of my points. It was intended principally as a sort of amusing Deb.Soc. conjuring trick wherein I raised an untenable argument and

Aeroplanes: They’re just common aren’t they?

2008-07-12T07:45:00.003Z

The appeal of air travel is rooted in a spurious 1960s notion of glamour involving well-groomed people hopping on and off Concorde who are on the one hand entirely unaware of problems like noise pollution and their colossal carbon footprint but on the other hand are carrying really nice little blue bags with BOAC written on them. The truth today is far more democratic and infinitely more ghastly.

See? See? You thought I was joking!

2008-07-11T22:10:00.001Z

Actually, I thought I was too...

Big in Eire

2008-07-11T21:46:00.002Z

Every time I write a book I seem to end up getting a good receprion over there. Perhap's it's the name. Perhaps it's my freewheeling attitude to life, language and punctuation. Who can say? God bless 'em though!

"I am going on holiday now..I may be gone for some time..."

2008-07-11T09:10:00.002Z

Having stunk up every other remaining bit of the planet (I draw your attention here to the trash mountains at the foot of Everest and all around Machu Picchu) tourists are now considering Antarctica as a jolly spot for a picnic.If pressed, the inadequates that are blowing £42,000 on this festival of small-cock compensation would probably assert that they're not 'tourists' but 'travellers' or even

Carousels of death

2008-07-10T20:59:00.002Z

Remember the site that obsessively catalogued cruise ship mishaps?There's one for theme parks too, which is sort of unsurprising when you think about it.I mean..I love a dodgem, but you'll never get me off the ground in anything without its own engines.

Do you know the way to San José?

2008-07-10T14:45:00.003Z

From the nation's favourite news-and-boobs organ, The Sun:A JET passenger was lost for words when he took this snap of a Virgin Atlantic plane – with a world ATLAS in the cockpit. Andrew Bellamy, 27, was left wondering if the pilot needed a hand navigating, after spying the book at Heathrow’s Terminal 3. And to make matters worse, it was an OLD edition of Collins World Atlas. Andrew, who

Yay! Road trip!

2008-07-10T09:41:00.002Z

more graph humor and song chart memes

Picture of the Day

2008-07-10T08:01:00.005Z

..and that's how you appreciate art. Seriously. Couldn't they just buy a fucking postcard?[via Vagabondish]

Air Traffic controller required for Isles of Scilly - Blind candidates especially welcome

2008-07-10T07:36:00.003Z

There's affirmative action, there's over-eager political correctness, and then there's just doing something wilfully stupid to get your rain-soaked islands back on the news agenda.The RNIB are, perhaps predictably, in favour of the provision of a Braille application form for potential Air Traffic Contollers. Realistically though, anyone without 20/20 vision has no chance of getting the job. I

Comeuppance

2008-07-09T15:34:00.001Z

"I hope this will end what has been over recent years an exercise in deceit by some airlines which try to con the travelling public into believing they are buying a very cheap ticket when the opposite is true."

Get these M----------F--------------- ticks off my M----------F--------------- plane!

2008-07-09T13:41:00.002Z

That's half the trouble with aeroplanes. They keep going to warm places where all the ghastly bugs and slitherery things live. And every now and then some of them decide to hitch a ride.

How to make a minor aeroplane accident exciting: Just add celebrities

2008-07-09T12:43:00.002Z

And people say Victoria Beckham is no fun: Thsi story wouldn't warrant a mention were it not for the pyjama-clad Posh.It was then that the horrifying scale of the disaster really hit home for Victoria — she realised she was wearing standard-issue aircraft pyjamas and no make-up.

Sex on the beach isn't just a cocktail..

2008-07-09T11:38:00.004Z

..it's a guaranteed 6-year prison sentence in some of those warm countries where one might be tempted to take one's clothes off.Sex outside marriage is illegal in the United Arab Emirates, as is cohabitation, adultery, homosexuality and loads of other fun stuff.Now if you stay at home, you can have sex as often as you like, as long as you've got a willing co-sexer. Or one of those internets with

The ideal holiday - buried in sand

2008-07-09T10:28:00.004Z

I don't pretend to understand any art after about 1960. Least of all this spot of craziness.We used to use the phrase 'publicity stunt' which covered most of the actions now classified as 'raising awareness'. You don't have to have a point to 'raise awareness' - you just need to do something crazyass and shout 'look at me'; quite a bit.Still. This chap's 'raised' my 'awareness' of fruitcakes

Sod Abroad: Vindicated by grownups!

2008-07-09T09:37:00.004Z

It's all very droll and jolly when I'm saying that you shouldn't go anywhere on holiday. But now a grwon-up's on my side too: Peter Riddell, one of the brainy chaps at The Times, suggests that no-one will be going away this year because of some credit crunch or other.And all this time you thought I was joking. In fairness, so did I.In case you can't be bothered to click through to the (generally

At last! The passengers strike back!

2008-07-08T13:13:00.003Z

Although, obviously, they still come off worst:A flight from Florida to New York Sunday night never got off the ground. That's because after the flight crew arrived late, angry and impatient passengers got verbally agitated and hostile. Apparently it was so bad, the crew wasn't comfortable working the flight so they refused to take off. Dick Brennan has the exclusive video report.

It's one thing to break the plane..

2008-07-07T14:14:00.003Z

..it's a whole other thing to break the plane and not even notice.UPDATE: Looks like it was aliens

So much quoteable goodness in this reasoned look at holiday stomach bugs

2008-07-07T10:36:00.002Z

I'll just pick out a couple of salient points: The average Briton spends nine days a year sleeping away from home while on summer holidays. Seventeen million of us go on package holidays and spend around £46 a day on board and lodging - a modest sum. Appreciably more is spent by those who book their own accommodation and travel. However, whether heading to a B&B in the Mediterranean, or a

As the Breakfast Club taught us - if you mess with the bull, you get the horns

2008-07-07T10:31:00.003Z

When will people learn that an adrenalin rush is your body's way of letting you know you're in trouble?

Amazon has spoken - It's official!

2008-07-06T14:34:00.003Z

I'm funnier than SpongeBob Squarepants. Although not as funny as being Engulfed in Flames(edit - Now officially funnier than Hitler!)

The 7 Scariest Airports on Earth

2008-07-06T11:38:00.004Z

As enumerated by Richard Green for the Sunday Times.Saba, in the Dutch CaribbeanGibraltarFunchal, MadeiraBarra, ScotlandLukla, NepalCourchevel, FranceSt. Maarten, Dutch CaribbeanI'm pretty sanguine about flying, I know all about the relative safety of airliners compared to (say) hot hatches driven by dim young boys on a testosterone high, but seriously: There's such a thing as tempting fate you

This is fabulous

2008-07-04T20:30:00.002Z

In a break from my normal programming I present a song that impressed the bejeezus out of a 22-year old Michael Moran. I haven't heard it in years but it still sounds great now. Check it out...More half baked nonsense about disappointing holiday experiences tomorrow, I promise. If you're desperate for more why not buy the book?

Venice the Menace: Tourism done right

2008-07-04T12:32:00.002Z

Why go to California when you can see all the finest sun-baked nutjobs on your very own computer?Click over to Venice the Menace for some illuminating insights into...well...whatever these fruitcakes think they're talking about.

Picture of the Day

2008-07-04T05:57:00.003Z

From the always super-sized TrendHunter

Picture of the Day

2008-07-03T06:47:00.004Z

(from the always-inspiring My Confined Space)

Wordle cloud

2008-07-02T13:37:00.005Z

Wordle is a fun online toy that makes pretty-looking tag clouds of whatever you fancy. I tried squirting the whole manuscript of my book in but of course the words that got the most action were rather dull conjunctions that tend to appear a lot in any long English document. These are a shade better, if not absolutely 'true' -

The world's most expensive flight simulator! Try it today!

2008-07-02T08:05:00.003Z

I know I should be running stories about more varied topics than just the stupidity of airlines, but really - they keep doing funny stuff.OK, funny stuff where somebody dies, but still. Funny stuff.

Budget airlines do the funniest things - #69: The phone sex line

2008-06-30T15:40:00.002Z

Here's our on-the spot correspondent Barbara in MichiganDid you know that Spirit Airlines is now charging their customers for making a seat reservation — middle seats are $5, Aisle and Window seats are $10 and the "exit row seats" are $15. I was shocked with this change. I didn't make a seat reservation because I already paid the airfare for the ticket, which entitles me to a seat. I know the gas

We've all done it, haven't we?

2008-06-26T11:26:00.002Z

Fallen asleep while flying a packed airliner and just gone past our stop.Haven't you? Well these guys did. If you must fly somewhere this Summer, ignoring the irreversible damage that you're doing to the environment, your finances and your sanity, then just make sure you make plenty of noise while you're airborne.After all, it seems to happen a lot.Quite a lotIt's not that surprising, when you

And there was I thinking I was the only person that didn't like holidays

2008-06-24T19:51:00.002Z

The chap (or, equally, it could be a lady) that runs Cruise Bruise hates 'em. Admittedly, he (or she) has a narrower focus, saving all his (or her) disapprobation for ocean cruises. The Cruise Bruise website (see how I avoided the gender pronoun there? Sweet eh?) features a long..surprisingly long..list of people lost on diving expeditions, getting drunk and falling off boats, passengers stranded

Picture of the Day

2008-06-24T10:14:00.004Z

Austin, Texas: Come for the weather, stay for the HUGE FLOCKS OF TERRIFYING BATS

The Dead Man’s Hand

2008-06-23T21:07:00.008Z

Once, quite some time ago, I agreed to go on a holiday. My wife and I had decided to ‘start a family’ and it was suggested, not by me I hasten to add, that we should go to Barcelona – Europe’s party town – for one last hurrah before we entered the tiresome world of babysitters and early nights.As chance would have it, sometime between booking and checking in something untoward must have occurred,

George Carlin: If you you thought it was all about Bill and Ted, you missed a lot

2008-06-23T09:05:00.002Z

Splendid, very funny fellow. Few comics retained their early edge so deep into their careers. Few comics had so much to say about airline announcements either.

So, if you HAVE read the book..

2008-06-22T19:11:00.005Z

You might have skimmed the biographical note at the beginning and thought 'yes, you say you made some tolerable but not remotely successful records but what were they like?'Well, they were like this. Here is my band 5TA on Channel 4's pioneering 'The Tube' show in 1986 or so.I'm the skinny lad with the hair on the right hand side. Or I was. Skinniness and hair are both but fond memories now.The

The secret evil of hotels

2008-06-21T11:48:00.002Z

We all sort of know that hotels like to add annoying little extras to our bills that we're generally too polite to dispute. Joe McInerney, president of the American Hotel and Lodging Association would like to make it clear, though, that fees for incidental services represent a 'miniscule amount of revenue'So, in that case, they must be doing it just to annoy us..

Welcome, Guardian Guiders!

2008-06-21T07:11:00.007Z

Thanks for popping by. There's an extract from my fitfully amusing book below, if you fancy it. Or of you're just here for the map, which is pretty funny (my favourite one's Istanbul) you can find it here. Or you can leave your own tale of holiday woe here.Or you can just poke around the blog and find stuff. There's another extract somewhere, some slightly comical news items and even an

EXTRACT:5 reasons that everybody hates a tourist

2008-06-21T07:07:00.002Z

1: Money Wherever you’re going, it’s a safe bet that you’ve got more disposable income than most of the people that are there. The farther you go, the greater the disparity will grow. Now, money isn’t everything but it can more-or-less buy everything and so it ends up figuring rather significantly in the minds of people who haven’t got so much of it. I

Planning on visiting London in 2012?

2008-06-20T15:32:00.007Z

Read this before you book. I think everyone outside Westminister accepts that it's a massive exercise in hubris bequathed by one dimwitted publicity-addict mayor to another, but all the same some poor bugger's bound to accidentally buy some tickets.If they do actually complete any of the facilities they're bound to collapse as soon as somone tries to do something silly like walk into them.Still,

"Folks, if those of you seated on the left hand side look out of the window you'll see a van wedged under the plane"

2008-06-20T05:41:00.002Z

I don't normally run stories involving travel fatalities, as this one appears to do, but the news item does carry with it an extraordinary picture.

The 20 most annoying airports in the USA

2008-06-19T14:10:00.007Z

Forbes has a list of the Top 100 airports in the US for delays. I know you're a modern person, though, with no time to waste on reading long lists or taking your ADHD medication. Here's the 20:1: Chicago, Ill.: O'Hare 2: Newark, N.J.: Newark Liberty International 3: New York, N.Y.: Kennedy International 4: New York, N.Y.: La Guardia 5: Dallas/Ft.Worth, Texas: Dallas/Ft. Worth

From BBC Radio Kent

2008-06-19T11:18:00.001Z

HOME OR AWAYWith the credit crunch, recession and the whole green anti-flying campaign looming over the summer holiday season, how about focussing on holidays closer to home? Or, cheaper still, AT HOME? In "Sod Abroad" Michael Moran explains why'd you'd be made to leave the comfort of your own home. It's a silly, joyous collection about the impossibility of having any kind of fun on holidays

A standard Air Rage story..at first

2008-06-19T10:48:00.002Z

So here we are with a fairly routine story of some rather silly woman going nuts because she wasn't allowed to smoke on an aeroplane. Irrespective of your views on the creeping criminalisation of smoking, the idea of someone sparking up a gasper in the confined environs of a tourist jet is a pretty antisocial affair. Even if you ignore for one moment the spectre of the 'shoe bomber'Here's what

The Top 6 things banned by Airport Security

2008-06-18T12:16:00.005Z

As enumerated by the always rather interesting Unsought InputExplanation and illumination over at the UI site, but that handy bullet-point chart in full is:1: 3.2oz of toothpaste2: A MacBook Air3: Some breast milk4: Any book with either some dynamite on the cover, or Harry Potter, or both5: One of those admittedly rather annoying flashing LED badges6: Our old favourite, the Transformers

Multimedia Wednesday!

2008-06-18T09:56:00.002Z

First in a series of at least one, your chance to hear my interview with a nice chap at BBC Radio Lincolnshire as I try to persuade him not to fly to Boston.Click!

This is your captain speaking: We're just going to circle a while until they clear all the jackals, raptors, and giant lizards off the runway...

2008-06-18T09:01:00.006Z

From MSNBC:NEW DELHI - Jackals, monitor lizards and raptors descended on a runway at New Delhi's main airport after heavy rains Monday, delaying flights, an airport official said.The animals were looking to dry off and warm up after the first monsoon rains hit India's capital, and their appearance on the runway forced authorities to stop planes from taking off and landing for about an hour,

A long list of delicious foods you can't get overseas

2008-06-17T08:47:00.003Z

Now, my remit is substantially (as you know) to encourage people to have a relaxing two weeks in their front room, rather than enter a debate about the great Middle England disapora - which has distributed comfortably-off retired cabbies as far afield as Alicante and...well..just Alicante really.Nevertheless, here's a list of things you'll miss if you leave your own lovely kitchen behind.

Johnny Vegas: He's got it half right

2008-06-17T08:21:00.005Z

The roly-poly funnyman™ says he doesn't care for foreign holidays and would prefer a break on the North Sea coast. Now, if he can just follow his own logic through and realise that the North Sea is balls cold and that a British coastal resort is basically the same as the town he lives in, except slightly more expensive, he'll be ready to join my exclusive 'stay at home' club.Here's a marvellous

The 12 things you will definitely forget to pack..

2008-06-12T06:00:00.002Z

..as covered by the fine folk at Times Online1. That Book You Really Wanted To ReadThere’s this thing you saw on Richard & Judy once that sounded brainy and entertaining at the same time. It’s a hardback though, and they weight a ton so there’s no reading it on the way to work. No. It’s a "save for the holiday" book. It’ll probably make it into the case for a bit, then get taken out to make room

Sharks: Getting a bit more bitey with all this hot weather

2008-06-11T11:03:00.003Z

You will no doubt have been told that shark attacks are rare. That's true. As this handy map demonstrates though they're at their rarest on land, in the UK. Where all the pub lunches are to be had.If you're silly enough to go to nasty hot places like Mexico, and then get in the water where at the very least you'll get soaked, if not definitely bitten, then I'm not sure we have much more to say to

You look good naked: Welcome aboard

2008-06-11T06:44:00.002Z

"SECURITY scanners that can see through passengers' clothing and reveal details such as their sex organs, colostomy bags and breast size, are being installed in 10 US airports"It says here..."Once the transportation security officer has viewed the image and resolved anomalies, the image is erased from the screen permanently. The officer is unable to print, export, store or transmit the image."

The Top 10 Things you can only do at home.

2008-06-11T06:00:00.001Z

Holidays are all very well, but the things that really make life worth living can only be done at home. For example:10: Get a babysitter inEven after parenthood, some pitiful semblance of life continues. There are, for example, at least three evenings every year on which you’re obliged to squeeze yourself into something uncomfortable and go out for a nice meal*. As long as you remain relatively

Untaxed, unlicensed, dumped

2008-06-10T21:39:00.003Z

Don't get sucked in by outdated notions about the glamour of air travel. Airliners are the dodgy minicabs of the skies

Graph of the...week? month?

2008-06-10T08:57:00.001Z

more graph humor and song chart memes

The World Atlas of Disappointing Holidays: A reminder

2008-06-10T05:44:00.003Z

If you're looking for the celebrated World Atlas of Disappointing Holidays (and if not, why not? ) it's here.If you have a tale of holiday-related woe that you'd like to share with us, your imaginary Internet friends, the form is here.If you're looking for a book which simultaneously amuses, informs, and costs less than the price of a round of drinks, it's here.Thanks for stopping by. Pop back

America: One more reason not to go

2008-06-09T09:14:00.006Z

See this thing? It's a Tarantula Hawk Wasp.Not only does it have an unsettling appearance, it has one of the most painful stings of any insect. Rating a 4.0 on the marvellous and memorable Schmidt Pain Index the sensation of having fallen foul of this vast and intimidating insect has been described as "...immediate, excruciating pain that simply shuts down one's ability to do anything, except,

Everywhere's abroad, depending on where you start

2008-06-09T08:27:00.003Z

So before you start thinking "Ooh! London! That's not far! let's go there!" I'd like you to remember that many, indeed all, of the putative 'attractions' are not only wildly disappointing when you actually get down to it, they're also ruinously expensive.Now, the unequalled joy of sunning yourself in your garden and sucking down a cold beverage isn't absolutely free, but the expenses engendered (

The Friday Comic

2008-06-06T08:53:00.003Z

First in a series of one, at most. There's no way I could pass this wonderful item up though. Click to embiggen:via the always-marvellous Again with the Comics

The 10 most disappointing tourist sights..

2008-06-04T14:34:00.005Z

..as enumerated by the fine people at Virgin Travel Insurance - who one might think would be in favour of people going on holiday, rather than pointing out what a colossal let-down it tends to be,Anyway, by way of the Daily Telegraph, here they are: 1: The Eiffel Tower 2: The Louvre 3: Times Square 4: Las Ramblas, Barcelona

Isn't it nice to be special?

2008-06-04T14:14:00.006Z

According to this more or less completely made up survey the British are the worst holidaymakers on Earth.If we're that bad at it, perhaps we should just stop.If you're the kind of person that likes specious surveys this one's still going! And it's got a map & everything!

Some topical funnies from Beau Bo D'Or

2008-06-03T10:19:00.004Z

heathrow terminal 5Extremely droll, I thought.

Our German cousins inadvertently prove my point

2008-06-03T08:01:00.002Z

Everywhere's abroad for someone.Stung by the recent case of a British couple winning compensation from their tour operator because the hotel they were sent to was full of Germans (and decades of lazy gags from British end-of-the-pier comics) the mighty German nation has risen up to complain that Brits on holiday are a bit of a nuisance.Bild reports this morning the shock news that many British

Airport Security: Fuckwits in disguise

2008-06-02T14:15:00.005Z

Airline operators seem almost determined to erode their customer base by ever-more inventive means.This week they're banning an IT guy from flying because he had a Transformers t-shirt on. Dude! He's an IT guy! What do you expect him to wear?Apparently the shirt has an image of a gun on it, although it's a pretty sketchy sort of design and it's by no means obvious that it depicts a gun, or even a

Maybe it's just the name that's the problem

2008-05-31T18:35:00.003Z

A couple from Cleveland went on a couple of cruises a year, all with the same line.They didn't enjoy one of them, it seems.One would be tempted to inquire why they kept going back for more of the same.Until, of course you think about what their names were.Brenda and Gerald Moran. Perhaps we're just a worldwide family that doesn't like holidays.

Warning: May contain Germans

2008-05-31T18:25:00.002Z

One the one hand the story of a couple who sued their tour operator because the hotel they were sent to had too many Germans in it is a terrible indictment of our excessively litigious culture.On the other hand, it's bloody hilarious.

The World Atlas of Disappointing Holidays

2008-05-30T08:23:00.003Z

Literally some people filled in my probing survey into the crock of crap at the end of the Travel Agent's rainbow. Here are the results. Scroll around to warn yourself of the disappointments and dangers that lurk on every continent (except Antarctica, but then comparatively few tour operators currently offer packages to McMurdo sound)View Larger MapYou'll find a few of the pins are in the wrong

Sod Abroad: The totally web 2.0 interactive survey

2008-05-28T13:03:00.006Z

In order to celebrate, publicise, and generally go on about the publication of the spectacular new Tragic Travel book 'Sod Abroad' I've made a little quiz which will be extrapolated into The World Atlas of Disappointing Holidays™ showing all the most popular holiday destinations and the terrible things that can happen in them. Pop your answers in the boxes below. It's worth it - there's a prize.

Drug tourists expect 'quick fix' spirituality. Tossers.

2008-05-27T11:33:00.002Z

Why travel thousands of miles to buy rubbish drugs when you can get the same stuff off a bloke with dirty fingernails in Camden?

Stealth advert for product reveals unpalatable truth

2008-05-27T06:21:00.003Z

This piece about a jellyfish sting was so placed by the PR for sting-b-gone or whatever the hell they're selling.Still, it's a timely reminder that the sea is full of things that don't like us.They'll never sell us that can of anti-jellyfish spray though. Not while everyone on Earth has seen this clip:

The first GOOD travel news I've ever reported: Free Drugs! Yipee!

2008-05-26T10:02:00.006Z

Bless those hapless Japanese customs officials and their Keystone Komedy Kapers.Somewhere there's a lucky passenger with 10,000 Australian Dollars' worth of free weed.AN unsuspecting passenger who flew to Tokyo has a large package of cannabis in their luggage - courtesy of a bungled Customs training exercise.An officer at Narita International Airport yesterday stuffed 142 grams of the drug into

Just how many Hemingway novels would you have to read..

2008-05-23T11:50:00.002Z

..before you got stupid enough to fly to Spain and let an angry cow tear your pants off?

Picture of the Day

2008-05-23T11:26:00.001Z

This is what moths look like in hot countries:If you must go abroad, for the love of God don't take your cashmere sweater..

Should you stay? Should you go? The age-old problem resolved

2008-05-22T10:50:00.000Z

more song chart memes

Two hot new ways that airlines use to rip you off

2008-05-22T10:21:00.002Z

1: Priority boarding2: Charging to let you carry ONE bag It's almost as if they don't want you to fly at all. Maybe they'd prefer it if you spent your money on enchantingly slim volumes of humour instead?I can make one or two recommendations in that area, if you like....

The evidence keeps flooding in: Holiday disasters are more common then you think

2008-05-22T08:11:00.003Z

As this piece from the Sunday Times demonstrates:There were six of us – three couples – sharing a villa in Malta. The maid was horrible, and at one point tried to make us all share a bedroom; the owner’s pet labrador died, and the local vet advised us to burn the corpse in case of infectious diseases; and it was so hot, the driveway cracked in the heat and chips from it broke a window. To top it

Picture of the Day

2008-05-19T10:21:00.003Z

..or should that be catch of the day?Every day 1.3 billion gallons of partially treated sewage are dumped into the ocean.Fancy a swim?

Good news: Intolerant B&B owners are now required by law to be LESS tolerant

2008-05-18T15:33:00.005Z

..which is, when you think about it, terrific stuff.As a grownup might put it:As the holiday season gets under way, Meg Munn, a junior minister, has emphasised that it is illegal to allow married couples to share a room at a guest house or hotel while not allowing homosexuals the same right.If gays are turned away, the only way a Christian or Muslim guest house owner can lawfully stay in business